4 Important Reasons Why I Don’t Go to Therapy Anymore

4 Important Reasons Why I Don't Go to Therapy Anymore

CONTENT WARNING: This post mentions self-harm and suicide.

Don’t get me wrong. I know I need therapy. In fact, I want to go to therapy. I think therapy is awesome

Every single person can benefit from it, because therapy isn’t just for people who are mentally ill. Everyone goes through things that they a hard time coping with. People should always find new ways to grow and improve themselves.

I wish I could go seek help. It’s just so hard for me. Here are 4 unfortunate reasons why I no longer go to therapy anymore:

TOO MUCH ANXIETY

Going to therapy is a Catch 22. I need to go to therapy. But I need therapy so bad that I need to go to therapy in order to go to therapy.

I can’t make my own appointments, because I can’t pick up the phone and call the office. The thought of going to a building, meeting someone, and being alone in the room with them is absolutely terrifying to me.

A video chat? I get too nervous talking to family members. Texting? I can never even text my friends first. I can’t even send an email without overwhelming anxiety.

I’m so scared to do anything that involves any type of social interaction, and I have a near panic attack any time I even just think about it.

CAN’T AFFORD IT

Here’s another Catch 22. I have such bad job anxiety that I need therapy to get a stable job, but I need a job to go to therapy.

I work from home through freelance bloggin. But with freelance work, it’s not always steady. Plus, I have to pay for my job. Hosting, domain names, security, promotion. That’s on top of all my other expenses.

Even with insurance, I can’t afford therapy. My co-pay is $15 a session. If I go once a week, it’ll cost me $60 a month, $720 a year. I just don’t have that kind of cash lying around. I’m just trying to keep myself afloat.

I know there are other options, but helloooo way too much anxiety to ask for sliding fee or ask for other alternatives. Catch my drift yet?

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HAD BAD EXPERIENCES

Unlike some people, past bad experiences with therapy don’t stop me from going to therapy. I just know that finding a good therapist is really, really important.

You have to find a therapist you connect with. One who understands your thoughts and needs. Every person is different, and we all need to be helped accordingly.

Whenever I look at potential therapists, I look for what type of therapy they specialize in, as well as what issues and disorders they specialize in. I don’t want to be a learning experience for my therapist.

Maybe I’m being picky, but I don’t want to settle. My life is at stake.

VIEW MY LIFE NEGATIVELY

I know that therapy is supposed to make you better. But when I put a lot of emphasis on the negatives of my life, I start to feel more negative. My life starts to unravel at the seams.

The last time I went to therapy, I saw my mental health greatly deteriorate. It was the first time I ever went to therapy, and I wasn’t expecting it at all. I started to pick back up with self-harm. I started to envision my death nearly every minute of every day.

I’m scared to go down that road again, because I already feel like I’m in a pretty bad place. I’m afraid for how much worse I can feel. I already feel like I could snap at any second. I don’t think I’m ready for that yet.

Please don’t let any of my reasons prevent you from going to therapy. Getting helps is super beneficial, and you are worth it!

Related posts:

Are you currently in therapy? Why or why not?

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2 thoughts on “4 Important Reasons Why I Don’t Go to Therapy Anymore

  1. Lulu Blue (@LuluDigitale)

    Now that I read this entry, I understand better. It both saddens me and clarifies things.

    If you found a way, could your boyfriend help setting appointments and go with you to support & help you through the waiting? I find for my own experience that if someone I know and trust comes with me, I do better than without – though not for my current therapies as I started them long ago.

    I have a psychotherapy for my trauma, and a CBT, my second, because I also had a bad experience, with my first CBT therapist who didn’t help for over a year. I blogged about it extensively so I won’t go in details here, but I had to find info and made some phone calls to set appointments with head of psych department in the local hospital, and she’s been very helpful in the past 9 months. It’s not just about clicking with the therapist, for me it was just a bad guy who abused the system who doesn’t follow on therapists, and he had an awful condescending personality, making me do lists for 15 months… giving no help, so I had ended that because I felt much worse going than I had before starting.

    I hope that you will be readier eventually, to try again. Know that not all therapists are bad, not all will worsen your health to such dangerous levels.

    I know that your difficulties have added to your negativity and that in such conditions, you might not see any possible change for the better. I’ve been in that desperation as well, in life-threatening situations and learned that the best way to get out of that mindset was to focus on anything positive, even the smallest one that you can find your life, and to slowly build hopes to improvement.
    I also had found just a couple people who helped me, and this is where my constant offers to you have stemmed from not only did I grow to care about you, but also know that sometimes getting that kind of open offer can eventually bring you to believe that since you are cared for, you could tackle things, even the hardest ones.

    You’ve already done some great strides in life. You have made it thus far with tools to avoid self-harm, found a loving, caring boyfriend who is there with you to support you no matter what. You have been blogging and sharing your experiences, and became part of inspirational people in a community of people of care about you.

    Cling to these and any other positive moments, and try not to give as much power to the negative and traumatic parts of your past – only the thoughts that can help you see how combative you have been in their face and surviving so much already.
    You are stronger than you think, even if you are very fragile right now. Believe in yourself, like all those who care about you – that includes me btw, if you had any doubts about it.

    I’m in no way minimizing your feelings or difficulties- they are very real and I can imagine how they can affect you. I’m in no way saying that there are easy solutions, or that my suggestions can bring you what you need, because I’m talking only about my own experiences and I’m not you, but if these can help in the slightest, I’m here to serve, as the Vulcans say.
    Big big hugs

    • My boyfriend’s willing to help, but cost is still a problem unfortunately. Thank you for your inspiration!

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