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Oh, relationship advice. There’s shitty advice all over the place, don’t you think? Wear this and your husband will love you. Do that and your wife will love you forever. Blah blah blah. Just stop already.
Not only do bad pieces of relationship advice set up a false picture of love, but they could also be ruining your entire relationship.
Here are 5 pieces of bad relationship advice you should stop believing so you can start to have a healthy relationship:
1. NOBODY CAN LOVE YOU UNTIL YOU LOVE YOURSELF
There’s so much wrong with this statement. It’s incredibly damaging and sets a standard that you have to be a certain way in order to be in a relationship and be loved.
I firmly believe that when you’re with the right person, you’re going to learn and grow from them. Your partner should help balance out your weaknesses with their strengths. You should both bring out the best in each other.
No matter what place you’re in right now, you are lovable. You are worthy of love. Never forget that.
2. YOUR PARTNER IS YOUR OTHER HALF
I get it. I miss my boyfriend when I’m not with him, and my heart doesn’t feel complete without him. In my eyes, he is my other half.
Still, I am my own person. I still have my own interests. I love my alone time, and I have my own passions and dreams. Yes, my boyfriend helps encourage me to live out my dreams, but I would live them out regardless.
You need to be your own person outside and in a relationship. You both need to have your own hobbies and interests. Time away from your partner is crucial to a happy, healthy, and lasting relationship. Plus, that time away only makes the time shared together that much more precious and meaningful.
3. NEVER GO TO BED ANGRY
I’m the type of person who needs space when I’m angry. I just need about 10 minutes to regain my composure and collect my thoughts. Otherwise, the anger intensifies and it’s hard to keep my cool.
Conversations at night can easily turn into an all-night affair. Just endless rambling filled with tiredness and exhaustion. You could end up talking for hours and not even truly communicating.
Instead of talking up all night, sometimes it’s best to go to bed angry so you can sleep on it. Usually by the morning, you’ll forget what you’re even so angry about. Most of the time, the argument started over something so minuscule and it’s not worth battling over.
No matter how angry you feel, still kiss your partner goodnight. Tell them “I love you” no matter what.
4. A LITTLE WHITE LIE NEVER HURT ANYBODY
I’m sorry. A lie is a lie. No matter the size.
What you might think is a little white lie could be a big, big problem for your partner. Once they catch you in a lie, they’ll start to doubt everything you say.
Really think about this…what’s worse: hurting your partner’s feelings for a brief moment or making your partner hurt, angry, making them feel that they weren’t worth the truth, and have their trust broken? That’s right.
I don’t care if you didn’t want to hurt my feelings or you thought that I’d be mad if you told. Well, I’m sure as hell mad now.
Lies and secrets destroy a relationship. You don’t want to spend the rest of your relationship trying to gain back that trust. Sometimes, the relationship can never be repaired.
5. RELATIONSHIPS ARE 50/50
We shouldn’t love others to get something in return. Relationships aren’t “I did ____, so you should do ____.”
You need to put 100% of your effort into your relationship. Relationships take work. Lots and lots of work. Communicate intently. Compromise fully. Love your partner the way they need to be loved.
Love and relationships are an ongoing effort. Don’t half-ass something that’s supposed to be so important to you. Love is beautiful, and it is worth it.
*I highly recommend reading The 5 Love Languages by Gary D. Chapman. It’s a #1 bestseller, and it’s helped my relationship tremendously.
- 5 Little Things You Can Do to Improve Your Relationship Today
- 8 Questions to Ask Your Partner to Build Deeper Intimacy
- 7 Ways to Show Your Partner You Care Every Single Day
What’s the worse relationship advice you’ve ever heard? Tell us in the comments below!
1. BEATING 50 PERCENT
Navigator’s Council: A Marriage Journal is both a weekly journal and a weekly rhythm for your marriage. The foundation of the journal is six questions that you’ll ask each other once a week and record your answers. Each week also includes a short devotional and a week-long calendar to help foster good conversation and make sure you and your partner are on the same page.
2. THE 5 LOVE LANGUAGES
We all have a love tank, and everybody loves and feels love differently. Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Physical Touch, Receiving Gifts, and Acts of Service make up the five love languages. The 5 Love Languages has been a game-changer for me and my boyfriend. Very eye-opening.
3. MEN ARE FROM MARS, WOMEN ARE FROM VENUS
Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus is a classic. For years, the theory behind it has helped save countless relationships. I know it’s definitely opened my eyes to how men, like my boyfriend, communicate. It’s helped us understand each other more, and I’m so grateful.