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I think there’s a lot of myths about intimacy. Intimacy is more than just physical. It’s much more than just sexual. Intimacy is an intense, deep connection with your partner.
Every relationship needs intimacy. I truly believe that without intimacy, your relationship can’t be pure. It can’t be true love, and it can’t survive.
Here are 8 questions I encourage you to ask your partner in order to build deeper intimacy.
1. What are the top three things on your bucket list?
Is a certain travel destination number one on your partner’s bucket list? Or maybe they want to have their dream home with a big garden where they can relax.
Invest some time in learning what your partner wants most out of life. Maybe you can even help them check one of the items off their list by surprising them with an adventure or a lifetime.
Helping fulfill your partner’s dreams is a huge expression of love.
2. What is your personality type?
We all process, think, talk, and act differently. Just because we think one way and our partner thinks another way doesn’t mean they are wrong. We’re just different.
According to Myers-Briggs, there are 16 main personality types. Some of us are extroverts, and some of us are introverts. Some of us think with our heads. Others base decisions off their heart. The key thing to remember here is that every single one of us is different.
Ask your partner to figure out what there personality type is, and come together and discuss your individual traits. You’ll begin understand each other much better.
3. Are you a spender or a saver?
It’s important to know your partner’s money personality. More often than not, one of you is a spender and one of you is a saver.
This can create a lot of problems, such as communication errors and trust issues. Problems with money are one of the number one causes for divorce, which is a sad, yet very real statistic.
No matter if you decide to combine all your finances, keep separate bank accounts, or a combination of both, there should be complete transparency when it comes to money. Your relationship should always come first.
*The Dating Divas wrote an amazing article about what to do when a saver marries a spender. Definitely read it if you’re in the same position, like I am!
4. What are you currently stressing about?
Sometimes, we get too caught up in our own problems that we forget about what everyone else is going through. Other times, your partner might take their stresses out on you. Neither is a good thing.
Instead of letting stresses come in between you, ask them what they’ve stressing about this week. Their job? Money? Maybe your relationship itself is adding more stress.
After you find out, ask if there’s anything you can do to help diminish some of the stress. Maybe they want you to help cook dinner more often, or keep up with the housework. Maybe they just want you to help make them laugh more. No effort on either part should go unnoticed.
5. Is there anything I’ve done this week that was hurtful to you?
We all get stressed. We all get angry. And we all say things that are hurtful from time to time. Sometimes, we don’t even realize that the things we said or did were hurtful.
Most of these things get brushed off our shoulders or swept under the rug. Either they’re not brought up again, or they lead to a big eruption of relationship problems later on.
Try to not let any frustrations or anger in your relationship reach a boiling point. Try to diffuse any hurt or wrongdoings as soon as possible. Communicate at least once a week to stay on track. Always strive to make you and your relationship healthier.
6. What should I continue to do to make you feel loved?
It’s crucial to know that not everyone loves the same. Each and every one of us gives love and receives love in a different way. This is called your love language.
What you think is loving, your partner might not receive it as love. They might appreciate it, but it might not keep their love tank full.
So, figure out the things that you are doing right. What do you do that fills your partner up with warmth and love? Aspire to do those more often. You’ll definitely form deeper intimacy.
*I highly recommend reading The 5 Love Languages by Gary D. Chapman. It’s a #1 best seller, and it’s helped my relationship tremendously.
7. What can I do to make you feel more loved?
Your partner deserves to feel loved just as much as you do. Even if you’re already making your partner feel loved, there is always something more you can do.
Maybe they want to go on more dates, or maybe they just want more quality time at home with just the two of you. Maybe they want more encouragement and support. Or maybe they want more physical touch.
It’s hard for a lot of us to ask for something more, so you might never know unless you ask.
8. What are three things you won’t compromise in a relationship?
Yes, relationships take a lot of patience and sacrifice. But we all have our limits.
What are the things you will not compromise on in your relationship? Find out your top three, and then discuss it with your partner. Some classic examples include: Trust, Communication, Respect, Love Language.
Try your best to compromise together on the things you can.
- Two Relationship Tests to Make Your Relationship Healthy Again
- 7 Ways to Show Your Partner You Care Every Single Day
- How to Overcome a Rough Patch by Strengthening Your Relationship
What questions do you ask your partner to build intimacy?
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