8 Questions to Ask Your Partner to Build Deeper Intimacy

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Questions to Build Intimacy

Asking your partner deep questions helps to build intimacy in your relationship.

Every healthy relationship needs that intimate soulful connection.

This post features 8 questions to help fill your relationship with deep, purposeful love.

If you’re having difficulty in your relationship, it might be helpful to talk to an online couples counselor! Using Talkspace makes couple’s therapy super flexible and convenient, as you only need your phone or web browser.

Relationship Intimacy

I think there are a lot of myths and misconceptions about intimacy.

Intimacy is more than just physical. It’s much more than just sexual.

Intimacy is an intense, deep connection with your partner.

Every relationship needs intimacy.

I truly believe that without intimacy, your relationship can’t be pure.

It can’t be true love, and it can’t survive.

Here are 8 questions I encourage you to ask your partner in order to build deeper intimacy:

1. What are the top three things on your bucket list?

Is a certain travel destination number one on your partner’s bucket list? 

Or maybe they want to have their dream home with a colorful garden where they can unwind and soak up the warm sunshine.

Invest some time in learning what your partner wants most out of life.

Maybe you can even help them check off one of the items on their bucket list by surprising them with an adventure or a lifetime.

Did you know you can rent an entire cabin of Airbnb for cheaper than a hotel room? (Get $35 OFF your first visit with my link!)

Helping fulfill your partner’s dreams is a huge expression of love.

Finding your passion:

2. What is your personality type?

We all process, think, talk, and act differently.

Just because we think one way and our partner thinks another way doesn’t mean they are wrong.

We’re just different.

According to Myers-Briggs, there are 16 main personality types.

Some of us are extroverts, and some of us are introverts (🙋).

Some of us think with our heads. Others base decisions off their heart (🙋).

The key thing to remember here is that every single one of us is different.

Ask your partner to figure out what their personality type is, and come together and discuss your individual traits. 

You’ll begin to understand each other much better.

More personality tests:

3. Are you a spender or a saver?

It’s important to know your partner’s money personality.

More often than not, one of you is a spender and one of you is a saver.

This can create a lot of problems, such as communication errors and trust issues.

Problems with money is one of the number one causes for divorce, which is a sad, yet very real statistic.

The Dating Divas wrote an amazing article about what to do when a saver marries a spender.

No matter if you decide to combine all your finances, keep separate bank accounts, or a combination of both, there should be complete transparency when it comes to money.

Your relationship should always come first.

4. What are you currently stressing about?

Sometimes, we get too caught up in our own problems that we forget about what everyone else is going through.

Other times, your partner might take their stresses out on you.

Neither is a good thing.

Instead of letting stresses come in between you, ask them what they’ve stressing about this week.

Their job? Money?

Maybe your relationship itself is adding more stress.

After you find out, ask if there’s anything you can do to help diminish some of the stress.

Maybe they want you to help keep up with the housework, or cook dinner more often.

(Purple Carrot is a mouthwatering subscription meal service that makes cooking new and inspiring healthy meals incredibly easy. Get 30% off with the code carrot30.)

Maybe they just want you to help make them laugh more.

No effort on either part should go unnoticed.

5. Is there anything I’ve done this week that was hurtful to you?

We all get stressed. We all get angry.

And we all say things that are hurtful from time to time.

Sometimes, we don’t even realize that the things we said or did were hurtful.

Most of the time, these things get brushed off our shoulders or swept under the rug.

Either they’re not brought up again, or they lead to a big eruption of relationship problems later on.

Try to not let any frustrations or anger in your relationship reach a boiling point.

Try to diffuse any hurt or wrongdoings as soon as possible.

Communicate at least once a week to stay on track.

Always strive to make you and your relationship healthier.

Fighting fair in relationships:

6. What should I continue to do to make you feel loved?

It’s crucial to know that not everyone loves the same. 

Each and every one of us gives love and receives love in a different way.

This is called your love language.

What you think is loving, your partner might not receive it as love.

Sure, they might appreciate it, but it might not keep their love tank full.

So, figure out the things that you are doing right.

What do you do that fills your partner up with warmth and love?

Aspire to do those more often.

This is one sure-fire way to develop deeper intimacy.

*I highly recommend reading The 5 Love Languages by Gary D. Chapman. It’s a #1 bestseller, and it’s helped my relationship tremendously.

7. What can I do to make you feel more loved?

Your partner deserves to feel loved just as much as you do.

Even if you’re already making your partner feel loved, there is always something more you can do.

Maybe they want to go on more dates, or maybe they just want more quality time at home with just the two of you.

Maybe they want more encouragement and support.

Or maybe they want more physical touch.

For a lot of us, it’s hard to ask for something more in love, so you may never what your partner needs unless you ask.

8. What are three things you won’t compromise in a relationship?

Yes, relationships take a lot of patience and sacrifice.

But we all have our limits.

What are the things you will not compromise on in your relationship?

Find out your top three, and then discuss it with your partner.

Some classic examples include:

  • Trust
  • Communication
  • Respect
  • Love Language

Try your best to find a solution for these dealbreakers together.

Questions to ask a Partner to Build Intimacy

What questions have you asked your partner to build intimacy?

Question recap:

  1. What are the top three things on your bucket list?
  2. What is your personality type?
  3. Are you a spender or a saver?
  4. What are you currently stressing about?
  5. Is there anything I’ve done this week that was hurtful to you?
  6. What should I continue to do to make you feel loved?
  7. What can I do to make you feel more loved?
  8. What are three things you won’t compromise in a relationship?

Pro-tip: When you answer these questions, type them out in Google Docs, so you’ll always have their answers nearby when you need to review them.

More relationship posts:

Have You Tried Couple’s Therapy?

If you’re having complications in your relationship, it might be helpful to talk to a couple’s counselor.

Did you know that there is affordable online couples therapy?

Talkspace is a super flexible option for couples counseling, as you only need your phone or web browser.

Benefits of Talkspace:

  • Won’t have to physically visit therapist’s office
  • Won’t have to rearrange your lives or hire a babysitter
  • You and partner will share same therapist
  • You’ll share a private online room
  • Communicate with your therapist whenever

What I love about Talkspace is that you can get incredible couple’s therapy from the comfort of your own home.


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Questions to Ask Your Partner to Build Deeper Intimacy