7 Nasty Symptoms of Depression I’d Like to Keep Secret

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Although I’ve lived with mental illness my whole life, I am not a medical professional. If you need help finding a mental health care provider, call 1-800-662-HELP (4357) or visit BetterHelp to talk to a certified therapist online at an affordable price. This post contains affiliate links. You can read my full disclaimer.

Those who have never had a severe depression will probably never know how exhausting it really, truly is. When you have depression, you’re expected to be “normal.” Act normal. Dress normal. Smile even when the occasion doesn’t call for it.

But that is living a lie, and we shouldn’t be forced to do so. Life is a big enough struggle in itself.

Some days I let people in. Some days I show others what it’s truly like to not be able to get out of bed. Some days I express these 7 nasty symptoms of depression I’d like to keep secret:

Nasty Symptoms of Depression


Confession: I most likely haven’t bathed in days. Actually, I can’t even keep track when the last time was. I’m good at changing my underwear and spraying half a bottle of dry shampoo into my hair, at least.

The thing is I absolutely hate feeling dirty. I’ll just focus on feeling dirty nonstop until I take a shower, and I literally feel the dirt crawling on my skin, especially near my joints and the nape of my neck.

But now I skip showers and let myself soak up the dirt. Yes, I still heavily focus on the dirty feeling, but I just don’t care anymore. And that’s a scary realization.

And on nights I don’t take a shower, I can’t even find the motivation to change into my pajamas. I’ll just take my pants off and sleep in the shirt I wore all day.

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I used to religiously brush and floss my teeth, and I wouldn’t be able to fall asleep if my mouth felt dirty.

Nowadays, I can barely even find it in me to brush my teeth once a day. I’m lucky if I brush my teeth before noon, and I have to force myself to brush my teeth before bed.

I barely care to even floss my teeth anymore, because that’ll mean I’ll get an 15 extra seconds to be in my bed.


Shaving. Oh man. I just keep passing up shaving day after day. I let all the hair grow out for weeks, if not months, at a time. Someone might say I’m just lazy. But I literally have no motivation.

And even though I’m a feminist, I still love to rub up on some smooth, freshly shaven skin. Oh, the good days.


No, it’s not allergies. I really am crying. Like every single day. More than once a day, actually.

Even though I’ve battled depression for the past 10 years, the tears have started to come every single day for the past few months. Most of the time they start to come before I even realize what is happening

I don’t even really need a reason for my eyes to water. I cry when I’m sad. I cry when other people are happy. I cry when someone yells at me. I even cry when my fork falls onto the floor. Because, ya know, life just can’t get any worse.


You might think I’m hip young adult when I wear my glasses over my contacts. Wrong. I fucking hate glasses.

You can’t ever lay down properly. It’s hard to see while driving at night. The headaches pound every day. And I feel like my face looks like a butt.

I’m too unmotivated to even put deodorant on every day. Why would I have any motivation to open up a brand new pair of contacts every day?


My house looks like it’s been ransacked by a disappointed robber. I’ve always been a messy person, but man.

My bedroom has become a zoo for all things messy. It takes about a month for the laundry to get put away, because it’s much easier for me to have the clothes just stay on the ground.

Dishes are piled all over the house, especially on my desk and by my bed. I leave bowls,  plates, silverware, mugs, and glasses all scattered around the house. Not even worrying what type of bacteria is growing on them.


I’ve never been a spender. Like ever. But now that I’m self-employed and more depressed than ever, all I want to do is spend, spend, spend.

I have pretty good self-control, but that urge is there more than ever. Turning into an emotional spender is not a good look for me.

Luckily, I’ve been fighting it by sticking to purchases from Dollar Tree, or using my gift cards to make the majority of my purchases.

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6 thoughts on “7 Nasty Symptoms of Depression I’d Like to Keep Secret

  1. Hunter

    Thanks so much for sharing! It’s nice to know I’m not alone.

    • Thanks for reading! You’re definitely not alone <3

  2. Lizzie

    I’ve spent the last year unable to work due to anxiety and depression, and my life is JUST like this — but I’ve never heard anyone talk about this before. I can’t thank you enough for posting this! I’m so glad to know that I am not the only one like this — even the friends who love me don’t understand. I’m getting better slowly, and knowing this isn’t just me is going to help. Again, thanks!

    • You’re not alone! Please don’t forget that, especially when times are really difficult. <3

  3. Lee

    These are my shame based secrets as well. Thank you so much for sharing.

    • Thank you! I’m so glad I’m not the only one 🙂

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