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Although I’ve lived with mental illness my whole life, I am not a medical professional. If you need help finding a mental health care provider, call 1-800-662-HELP (4357) or visit BetterHelp to talk to a certified therapist online at an affordable price. This post contains affiliate links. You can read my full disclaimer.
Depression fights you. It threatens you. It bullies you. Depression is the enemy that never gives up.
Saying that depression is difficult, well…that is a big understatement. It will probably be the longest fought battle any of us will ever have to endure, and it never really goes away.
I’m only 22 years old, and I’ve been battling this demon on and off for 9 years. Probably even longer than that, and trust me, I’ve wanted to give up so many times.
Dealing with depression by yourself can be very confusing. Depression starts to consume all of you, and you forget how to live.
When you add a partner into the mix, dealing with depression becomes a whole different type of battle. It becomes way more stressful, and it tries to tear you guys apart. You begin to constantly worry about if your partner is going to choose to walk away from you because of your mental illness.
Here’s how depression affects my relationship:
How Depression Affects Your Relationship
Common symptoms of depression
Most people won’t come out and say, “Hey, look at me! I have depression.” So, recognizing symptoms can be the first step in trying to understand this battle with mental illness.
- Feelings of guilt
- Lack of energy
- Poor sleeping patterns
- Changes in appetite
- Loss of interest
Find more of the ways depression traps me here.
There are good days and there are bad days
Actually, it’s more like there are good hours and bad rest-of-the-days. Most of the time, all I want to do is just want to lay in bed all day and put on a movie I can purposely fall asleep to. Being in a healthy relationship is truly difficult because of this.
I constantly have to force myself to even go out of the house and buy some food from the grocery store so we can make dinner. In reality, I’d rather not eat at all than have to face the world. It’s hard to even want to dice up an onion, because all I want to do is go back to hiding under the covers. Most of the time my boyfriend is forced to prepare dinner all by himself.
And yes, I hate it. We used to always cook together before my depression crept back into my life about a year into our relationship. Sometimes when he’s cooking, I’ll even just lay on our bed and cry and cry for really no reason at all.
Irritability is a common thing
One of the worst things about depression is that it constantly puts you on edge. And when you also have anxiety, like I do, it makes for a whole new experience.
The stress of trying to keep myself intact can sometimes be too overpowering. And sometimes it gets really hard to manage a rage so big and bold inside me when it slaps me in the throat.
And seeing as I hardly have energy, it makes it even that much more difficult to not snap. Whenever I do snap, the guilt comes creeping back, because my boyfriend did not deserve to be talked to like that.
Emotions are out of wack
Either I’m sobbing uncontrollably, or I can’t even feel happy that I have a double chocolate brownie in my hand. There really isn’t a thing called a common ground when you have depression.
It’s all or nothing, and it can be terribly confusing for me and my boyfriend. I don’t know if he’d rather have a girlfriend that cries in the bathroom all night or one that just stares at the wall, emotionless.
There used to be a vision of a future. A live-action picture of me in my mid-thirties with a few kids and multiple fur babies rocking out to the music my husband produced. Now the future is blurry, fuzzy, and sometimes never even there.
Where’s the house with a swinging bench on the front porch? Why are all the plants in my backyard garden dead? My old therapist told me that it’s important to vision a future, but I don’t even have that to help me be positive.
I just don’t care anymore
This is the one that scares me the most, because over the past few months, I started to put less and less effort to spend time together. Most days we have conflicting schedules, because he’ll start work just as I’m getting off. Then by the time he gets off work, I’d have to go to bed to wake up early the next day.
This used to bother me, but now I’m just like, Yes, I get to sleep more. I no longer sacrifice my sleep so I can see him. Because sleep is the only time I don’t have to feel like I’m watching paint dry.
I should be putting any effort to see him that I can, but I just don’t care anymore.
And that can’t healthy.
- 5 Things You Can Do to Help Your Partner Through Anxiety
- 6 Tips for When You Find Yourself Dating Your Coworker
- 15 Love Songs About Dealing with Mental Illnesses
Do you and/or your partner struggle with depression? How do you cope?
1. ONLINE THERAPY
Better Help is the largest online counseling platform worldwide. It makes professional counseling available anytime, anywhere, through a computer, tablet or smartphone.
2. RESILIENT BIG EBOOK BUNDLE
In the Resilient Big Bundle, you’ll get 6 amazing personal development products, such as 30 Day Negativity Detox and Figure Out Your Life. All of these together would cost over $120 if you purchased them separately, but you’ll get a big discount if you get the whole bundle.
3. MENTAL HEALTH JOURNAL GUIDES
Rose Minded created three 52 week Mental Health Journal Guides. You can pick from anxiety, depression, and bipolar disorder. In the guides, you can find weekly gratitude, emotional intelligence, self-care prompts. Use the code meagan15 to get 15% off.
4. SOCIAL ANXIETY TO SOCIAL SUCCESS
Social Anxiety to Social Success is an eBook Kel from Anxious Lass created. I’ve read countless ways to recover from social anxiety, and I still found new, important information in her book. The best part is it’s written in a warm and relatable way.