4 Important Reasons Why I Don’t Go to Therapy Anymore

DISCLOSURE: I am not a mental health professional. If you need help finding a mental health care provider, call 1-800-662-HELP (4357) or visit Online Therapy to call, message, or video chat a certified therapist online. This post contains affiliate links. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases. I may also receive compensation from Online Therapy or other sources if you purchase products or services through the links provided on this page. You can read my full disclaimer.

Although I’ve lived with mental illness my whole life, I am not a medical professional. If you need help finding a mental health care provider, call 1-800-662-HELP (4357) or visit BetterHelp to talk to a certified therapist online at an affordable price. This post contains affiliate links. You can read my full disclaimer here.

CONTENT WARNING: This post mentions self-harm and suicide.

Don’t get me wrong. I know I need therapy. In fact, I want to go to therapy. I think therapy is awesome

Every single person can benefit from it, because therapy isn’t just for people who are mentally ill. Everyone goes through things that they a hard time coping with. People should always find new ways to grow and improve themselves.

I wish I could go seek help. It’s just so hard for me. Here are 4 unfortunate reasons why I no longer go to therapy anymore:


Going to therapy is a Catch 22. I need to go to therapy. But I need therapy so bad that I need to go to therapy in order to go to therapy.

I can’t make my own appointments, because I can’t pick up the phone and call the office. The thought of going to a building, meeting someone, and being alone in the room with them is absolutely terrifying to me.

A video chat? I get too nervous talking to family members. Texting? I can never even text my friends first. I can’t even send an email without overwhelming anxiety.

I’m so scared to do anything that involves any type of social interaction, and I have a near panic attack any time I even just think about it.


Here’s another Catch 22. I have such bad job anxiety that I need therapy to get a stable job, but I need a job to go to therapy.

I work from home through freelance blogging. But with freelance work, it’s not always steady. Plus, I have to pay for my job. Hosting, domain names, security, promotion. That’s on top of all my other expenses.

Even with insurance, I can’t afford therapy. My co-pay is $15 a session. If I go once a week, it’ll cost me $60 a month, $720 a year. I just don’t have that kind of cash lying around. I’m just trying to keep myself afloat.

I know there are other options, but helloooo way too much anxiety to ask for sliding fee or ask for other alternatives. Catch my drift yet?


Unlike some people, past bad experiences with therapy don’t stop me from going to therapy. I just know that finding a good therapist is really, really important.

You have to find a therapist you connect with. One who understands your thoughts and needs. Every person is different, and we all need to be helped accordingly.

Whenever I look at potential therapists, I look for what type of therapy they specialize in, as well as what issues and disorders they specialize in. I don’t want to be a learning experience for my therapist.

Maybe I’m being picky, but I don’t want to settle. My life is at stake.


I know that therapy is supposed to make you better. But when I put a lot of emphasis on the negatives of my life, I start to feel more negative. My life starts to unravel at the seams.

The last time I went to therapy, I saw my mental health greatly deteriorate. It was the first time I ever went to therapy, and I wasn’t expecting it at all. I started to pick back up with self-harm. I started to envision my death nearly every minute of every day.

I’m scared to go down that road again, because I already feel like I’m in a pretty bad place. I’m afraid for how much worse I can feel. I already feel like I could snap at any second. I don’t think I’m ready for that yet.

Please don’t let any of my reasons prevent you from going to therapy. Getting helps is super beneficial, and you are worth it!

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3 thoughts on “4 Important Reasons Why I Don’t Go to Therapy Anymore

  1. Claire

    I found this exact entry on a websearch, so I have no context for it. I also have no updates.

    You definitely get worse going to therapy – it’s temporary (with a competent provider), like how you will get side effects from a new medication but you stick with it because it will likely go away and there is a net gain, but the trouble is real. We don’t talk enough about that. It is tough work looking at yourself, as is suddenly opening up your entire life to another person. Also, you’re now psychologically primed to notice problems (like how it feels like telemarketing calls go up after you put yourself on the Do Not Call list: they don’t, research proves they don’t, but you’re now looking at that goal of zero, which makes even your normal number seem enormous). To boot, most people seek therapy when they are in a state of decline, but it doesn’t instantly stop that decline.

    We know people likely go through a decline when they begin therapy; there’s plenty of evidence of a decline, and even research. It should be talked about in society, but it also could be discussed more by therapists: in their promotions (social media, books, etc.) and maybe explained at the start of the process. I was lucky: trauma treatment comes with some steep falls, so what that would look like was discussed in my beginning, as well as prioritizing teaching a few coping mechanisms to shore me up before preceding. If only everyone could get that! I needed it: that fall hurt and, since I cannot afford therapy either, I am constantly jumping from provider to provider which creates gaps, and I need something to hold me up between (no, not skipping bills. In my area, you can get low-cost short-term therapy – government chips in – but that means 6 sessions, then back on the list for another 6 sessions that will be with someone else entirely).

    I know it’s been years, but I wanted to validate that impression, both for you and any one who reads this. It’s real, you go down. Therapy is a treatment and, like any treatment, there are side effects and consequences. Any treatment is not an instant fix, but a net gain. If we pretend it’s not there, we’re not prepared for a possible reality or may ignore reality when it comes.

    Hope you’ve been, and are, hanging in there.

  2. Lulu Blue (@LuluDigitale)

    Now that I read this entry, I understand better. It both saddens me and clarifies things.

    If you found a way, could your boyfriend help setting appointments and go with you to support & help you through the waiting? I find for my own experience that if someone I know and trust comes with me, I do better than without – though not for my current therapies as I started them long ago.

    I have a psychotherapy for my trauma, and a CBT, my second, because I also had a bad experience, with my first CBT therapist who didn’t help for over a year. I blogged about it extensively so I won’t go in details here, but I had to find info and made some phone calls to set appointments with head of psych department in the local hospital, and she’s been very helpful in the past 9 months. It’s not just about clicking with the therapist, for me it was just a bad guy who abused the system who doesn’t follow on therapists, and he had an awful condescending personality, making me do lists for 15 months… giving no help, so I had ended that because I felt much worse going than I had before starting.

    I hope that you will be readier eventually, to try again. Know that not all therapists are bad, not all will worsen your health to such dangerous levels.

    I know that your difficulties have added to your negativity and that in such conditions, you might not see any possible change for the better. I’ve been in that desperation as well, in life-threatening situations and learned that the best way to get out of that mindset was to focus on anything positive, even the smallest one that you can find your life, and to slowly build hopes to improvement.
    I also had found just a couple people who helped me, and this is where my constant offers to you have stemmed from not only did I grow to care about you, but also know that sometimes getting that kind of open offer can eventually bring you to believe that since you are cared for, you could tackle things, even the hardest ones.

    You’ve already done some great strides in life. You have made it thus far with tools to avoid self-harm, found a loving, caring boyfriend who is there with you to support you no matter what. You have been blogging and sharing your experiences, and became part of inspirational people in a community of people of care about you.

    Cling to these and any other positive moments, and try not to give as much power to the negative and traumatic parts of your past – only the thoughts that can help you see how combative you have been in their face and surviving so much already.
    You are stronger than you think, even if you are very fragile right now. Believe in yourself, like all those who care about you – that includes me btw, if you had any doubts about it.

    I’m in no way minimizing your feelings or difficulties- they are very real and I can imagine how they can affect you. I’m in no way saying that there are easy solutions, or that my suggestions can bring you what you need, because I’m talking only about my own experiences and I’m not you, but if these can help in the slightest, I’m here to serve, as the Vulcans say.
    Big big hugs

    • My boyfriend’s willing to help, but cost is still a problem unfortunately. Thank you for your inspiration!

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