How to Distance Yourself From Family (and Improve Your Mental Health)

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Are you feeling suffocated by your family? Do you find yourself constantly arguing or feeling drained after spending time with them?

No matter the reason, it’s okay to want distance from your family members.

Whether it’s due to toxic behaviors, differing values, or simply needing space to grow as an individual, there are ways to create healthy boundaries and distance yourself from family members.

If you want to distance yourself from family but don’t know where to start, it might be helpful to talk to an online therapist. I always recommend Online Therapy, because it’s a complete online counseling toolkit, and you can get incredible therapy from the comfort of your own home. Get 20% off your first month.

How to Distance Yourself from Family: A Guide to Setting Healthy Boundaries

Before we dive into the strategies for distancing yourself from family, it’s important to acknowledge that this can be a very difficult and emotional process.

It’s natural to feel guilty or conflicted about setting boundaries with loved ones.

But it’s important to prioritize your own wellbeing and mental health.

 Remember that you have the right to make decisions that are best for you, even if they may not be well-received by your family. 

With that in mind, let’s explore some ways to create distance with your family (and maintain healthy relationships, if that’s something you want).

Speaking of distancing yourself family, have you downloaded your free inner child healing workbook yet? 👇

1. UNDERSTAND YOUR NEED FOR DISTANCE

Assess Your Reasons

Before distancing yourself from your family, it’s important to be honest with yourself and figure out your reasons for wanting to do so.

Are you doing it because you need space to grow as an individual, or are you doing it out of anger and resentment?

One way to determine your reasons is to brainstorm and write them down. This worksheet can help you clarify your thoughts and feelings if you’re thinking about cutting them off.

GRAB MY WORKSHEET

Recognize Unhealthy Dynamics

Another reason for distancing yourself from family may be because there are unhealthy dynamics within the family.

This can include things like verbal or physical abuse, neglect, or controlling behavior.

It’s important to recognize these toxic dynamics and understand that they are not healthy, and it may be beneficial to talk to a therapist who can help you navigate these difficult situations.

Do you have controlling parents?

👉 How to Deal with Controlling Parents in Adulthood (Best Advice)

2. SET BOUNDARIES

Setting boundaries with your family can be difficult, but it’s a vital step in distancing yourself from them.

Communicate Your Needs

The first step in setting boundaries is to communicate your needs clearly. Be honest and direct with your family about what you’re comfortable with and what you’re not.

Here are some things to keep in mind:

➡️ Use “I” statements to express how you feel. For example, “I feel uncomfortable when you talk about my personal life without my permission.”

➡️ Be specific about what you want, like “I need you to respect my privacy and not share my personal information with others.”

➡️ Listen to their response and point of view. However, remember that your needs are valid and important.

Remember to be assertive, even if your voice shakes. Your needs are fundamental and your birthright.

Setting boundaries with family:

👉 How to Set Boundaries with Toxic Family Members

Maintain Consistency

Once you’ve communicated your needs, it’s time to maintain consistency in enforcing your boundaries.

This can be challenging, especially if your family is used to crossing your boundaries, so here are some tips:

➡️ Be firm and consistent in enforcing your boundaries. For example, if you’ve asked your family not to call you after a certain time, don’t answer their calls during that time.

➡️ Don’t make exceptions to your boundaries. If you do, your family may think that your boundaries are not important or that they can be negotiated.

➡️ Be prepared for resistance or pushback from your family. They may not be used to your new boundaries and may try to test them. Stay firm and remind them of your needs.

Setting boundaries is an ongoing process, and it may take some time for your family to adjust to your new boundaries.

But it’s important to stay consistent and communicate your needs clearly, and The Better Beginnings Boundary Workbook can help you set and enforce your most important boundaries.

HECK YEAH, COUNT ME IN!

3. TAKE PRACTICAL STEPS

Reduce Contact

Reducing contact with family members can be difficult, but it may be necessary for your mental and emotional wellbeing.

Here are some practical steps you can take to reduce contact:

➡️ Set boundaries: Let your family members know what behaviors or topics of conversation are off-limits. Be clear and firm in your communication.

➡️ Limit communication: If you find that talking to your family members leads to stress or anxiety, consider limiting the amount of communication you have with them. This could mean reducing the frequency of phone calls or texts, or even blocking their phone numbers or social media accounts.

➡️ Avoid family events: If family gatherings are a source of stress or discomfort, it’s okay to skip them. You can choose to spend time with friends or engage in activities that bring you joy instead.

Signs to reduce contact with family:

👉 15 Blaring Signs You Should Cut Off Your Parents (for Your Mental Health)

Create Physical Space

Creating physical space between you and your family members can also be helpful in establishing boundaries and reducing stress.

Here are some helpful ideas you can take:

➡️ Move out: If you live with family members, consider moving out and getting your own place. This can give you more control over your living situation and help you establish boundaries.

➡️ Spend time away: If moving out isn’t an option, try to spend time away from your family members as much as possible. This could mean going for walks, spending time with friends, or even just retreating to your room for some alone time.

➡️ Create a designated space: If you can’t physically distance yourself from your family members, try to create a designated space for yourself. This could be a corner of a room or a separate area of the house where you can go to be alone.

We all need alone time, and sometimes we need it from our families the most.

4. HONOR EMOTIONAL WELLBEING

Seek Support

When you’re distancing yourself from family, it’s important to seek support from others who understand what you’re going through.

This can include friends, a therapist, or a support group.

Talking to someone who has been through similar experiences can help you feel less alone and provide you with valuable advice and coping strategies.

Engage in Self-Care

Taking care of yourself is crucial when you’re going through a difficult time, so make sure to prioritize self-care activities that make you feel good, such as exercise, meditation, or spending time outdoors.

Give yourself permission to take a break from stressful situations and activities that drain your energy.

Remember, self-care isn’t selfish — it’s necessary for maintaining your emotional wellbeing.

Do you know the self-care boundaries?

👉 7 Self-Care Boundaries (to Finally Start Putting Yourself First)

5. NAVIGATE CHALLENGES

Cope with Guilt

It’s natural to feel guilty when distancing yourself and limiting contact with family.

You may feel like you’re abandoning them or that you’re not being a good son or daughter.

But it’s important to remember that your mental health and wellbeing should come first, and it’s always okay to set boundaries and prioritize your needs.

One way to deal with guilt is to remind yourself of why you made the decision to distance yourself from your family.

Write down your reasons and refer to them when you start to doubt yourself. (Remember, this worksheet can help.)

Manage Family Relationships

When you distance yourself from family, you may face negative reactions from them.

They may try to guilt-trip you or make you feel like you’re doing something wrong.

 It’s important to remember that their reactions are not your responsibility. 

As we talked about, one way to manage family reactions is to communicate your boundaries clearly and calmly. Let them know why you need space and what you expect from them.

It’s also important to stick to your boundaries and not let them guilt-trip you into changing your mind.

6. BUILD YOUR SUPPORT SYSTEM

Building your own support system can help you feel less alone and more connected to others who understand your situation.

Consider joining a support group to connect with people who are going through similar experiences and can offer advice and encouragement.

Look for support groups in your community or online that focus on issues related to family estrangement.

Another way to build your support system is to reach out to friends or acquaintances who have gone through similar experiences.

They may be able to offer advice or simply be a listening ear when you need to talk.

As always, consider seeking the help of a counselor who can help you work through your emotions and develop coping strategies.

7. PREPARE FOR LEGAL AND FINANCIAL COMPLICATIONS

Understand Your Legal Rights

Depending on your situation, you may need to take legal action to protect yourself when distancing yourself from family.

Here are some legal considerations to keep in mind:

➡️ Restraining Orders: If a family member is threatening or harassing you, you may be able to obtain a restraining order. This legal document can help keep you safe by requiring the person to stay away from you.

➡️ Power of Attorney: If you’re concerned about a family member having control over your finances or medical decisions, you may want to consider granting power of attorney to someone you trust. This legal document allows someone else to make decisions on your behalf if you’re unable to do so.

➡️ Inheritance: If you’re worried about a family member trying to take advantage of you financially, it’s important to have a clear plan for your inheritance. Consider working with a lawyer to create a will or trust that outlines your wishes.

Plan Financial Independence

Distancing yourself from family can also have financial implications, so it’s important to plan ahead.

Here are some tips for achieving financial independence:

➡️ Create a Budget: Take control of your finances by creating a budget. This will help you track your expenses and identify areas where you can cut back.

➡️ Build an Emergency Fund: Having an emergency fund can provide a safety net if you need to leave a toxic family situation. Aim to save at least three to six months’ worth of expenses.

➡️ Establish Credit: If you don’t have credit in your own name, now is the time to start building it. This can help you qualify for loans and credit cards in the future.

By understanding your legal rights and planning for financial independence, you can take control of your life and create a brighter future for yourself.

8. STRATEGIZE LONG-TERM EFFECTS

Create a Life Plan

By having a clear vision of where you want to go in life, you can make decisions that align with your goals and values — even if they don’t align with your family’s expectations.

To create a life plan:

➡️ Determine your long-term goals. What do you want to achieve in your career, relationships, and personal life?

➡️ Identify your values and priorities. What matters most to you? What do you believe in?

By understanding your goals, values, and priorities, you can make decisions that align with them, even if they conflict with your family’s values.

Once you have a clear vision of your life, break your goals down into smaller, achievable steps, and create a timeline for when you want to accomplish them.

Adjust to New Dynamics

Distancing yourself from family can be difficult, especially if you’ve had a close relationship in the past.

As you start to distance yourself, it’s important to adjust to the new dynamics of your relationship.

Find ways to occupy your time with activities that promote your independence and wellbeing.

Engage in new, fascinating hobbies, build new friendships, or dedicate time to career or academic pursuits.

Replacing family interactions with other fulfilling activities can help ease the transition and provide a support network outside of your family.

9. REFLECT ON YOUR JOURNEY

Now that you have taken the steps to distance yourself from your family, it’s important to reflect on your journey. (This will help you understand your decision better and give you the confidence to move forward.)

➡️ Reflect on why you decided to distance yourself from your family. Was it due to toxic behavior and abuse, or was it simply a desire for independence?

➡️ Write down your thoughts and feelings about the situation. This will help you gain clarity and closure.

➡️ Acknowledge any guilt or sadness you may feel. Remember that it is okay to feel these emotions, but it’s important not to let them hold you back.

Reflecting on your journey can help you gain a deeper understanding of yourself and your decision to distance yourself from your family, so use this time to focus on your own personal growth and wellbeing.

Distancing Yourself From Family

Distancing yourself from your family can be a delicate and emotionally challenging process, but sometimes it’s necessary for your personal wellbeing. 

Remember, distancing yourself from family doesn’t have to be permanent or absolute.

It’s about finding a balance that allows you to thrive while maintaining respect for your boundaries and mental health.

And if you haven’t yet, grab your copies of The Better Beginnings Boundary Workbook to dive deep into your boundary setting and this letting go of toxic family worksheet to help you create distance if need be.

HECK YEAH, COUNT ME IN!

💾 Bookmark this page for whenever you need help distancing yourself from family.

More boundary posts:

More inner child healing posts:


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How to Distance Yourself From Toxic Family Members